Dream Me Dead Poem by Thomas Viruvelil

This day
27 december,2003
Smi
you have told me
what a painful irritation
I am to you.
I touch your hand
just as a sinking man try to hold on a piece of straw.
Straw hate it and throw me down to
deep ocean
saying
You better die
rather than holding my hand.
I search all around for even straw
nothing to be seen around.
Trying desperately to hold afloat
in deep water
with my hands and legs moving up and down in deep water
I can feel my legs and hands
getting tired.
For a moment I think
Why should I struggle to remain alive?
What life can give to me
except pain?
Nothing else.
I did not feel the pleasure of
loving a likeable lovable girl
till recently
With Smi
I could experience it.
She cannot even for a second
love me.
So for what I should continue to fight
to remain alive,
getting pain after pain
Death can be the most wonderful
dream for me.
End of all pains.
end of all abuses.
End of being the hated vht
end of being a fool working madly for nothing.
Do Life have anything to offer me
even a hope?
No.I do not deserve anything
Have I gained anything by suffering silently for years and years?
Nothing but new doses of pain.
Let me now find out the best method of death.
Let me have the working for the final settlement of accounts.
Let the world enjoy the day without vht.
My dearest love Smi
can have her good old beautiful
Laugh in her face again
As she can be free from
the trouble of reading my poems,
the trouble of my dirty hands touching her divine hand,
my lips singing patta pattu,
Oh my God
without me world will be more beautiful
more happy
and the dearest of my dearest Smi
can breath, live, real happy.
As a true lover
should I not give her real happiness?
Yes.I should.
Why should I waste my time?
Why should I continue giving pains to my dearest Smi?
Let me plan for death.
The only dream
I can be sure of achieving
The only dream
a wretched man like me
deserve.
The only dream
I can dream