Elegant Suicide.... Poem by karen sinclair

Why?
Dearest fellow was it paramount
My attempted suicide
Needed to be
Perfectly placed as a masterpiece I faced
The quelling thirsting sea....

Sat as a random stone....tossed
Thoughts lost
Head hung in defeat
Painfilled shame
Central (left) to the frame
And the mind games
Oh those twisted mine games
As I.... sat beached

The pills sat as pearls
Glistening tempting thought whirls
And for
Just one moment....

I loved them

Cherished them
Popped a few in..
Sharing my Alice in Wonderland....grin
With absolutely no-one...

Slip through the hatch
Slide by...
Tippy-toed reaching latch
Escapism from the world of plenty
Which hath scarred and just lent me
So many hurts
So many drunken blurt out statements
Of childhood
Adulthood
Resentments

So you took me to the residential home of the old (surely that isn't my goal)
And the YMCA
I'm female, totally wrong for me but hey!
At least you gathered a grin
Just before i dived neederly in... to
That pill pot of plenty
Just felt like it was meant to be
My very last day

And farcical in reflective mode
That your cruelty should goad
Me halfway to Hell and back
Suffering your tasteless flak
But sweet heart be careful and
Remember

Please.....
Mind the cracked