Episode 4: Masterminds Need Not Apply (When Will It Ever End?) Poem by Joe Rosochacki

Billy J. Robinson walked into the cop station asking for money,
Billy wanted to buy a bus ticket and the cops suspected him for breaking into cars—
-that wasn’t funny
Billy was carrying a bag which contained tools and instructions for stealing a car,
Needless to say, he didn’t go very far,
Billy mom raised no fool but she raised a dummy.

A bumbling quartet of thieves tried to steal a giant chili,
Susan Michet, Asher Woodworth both of North Bennington,
-Sophia Giordano of Williamston and Claire Davis of Lee,
Across Route 67, they strung a 470 foot long of many an extension cord,
To a Chili’s restaurant, for their friend, a huge chili would be their reward,
Sgt. Camillo Grande said he had no idea how the suspects planned to fit
the giant chili- -into their SUV.

Joshua Bracci was clocked at going 111mph on Tuesday night’s chase,
Joshua turned of his lights of his car to avoid detection in this felonious race,
Bracci hit a parked car and backed into a patrol car before he arrested,
He failed a breathalyzer and sobriety maneuvers that he was tested,
Bracci,19, faces 56 charges including
reckless endangerment, fleeing police,
driving while intoxicated,
reckless driving,
driving without a license,
leaving the scene of an accident,
resisting arrest and criminal mischief, -he is one big disgrace.


Kolton Kafka and Kevin Schleicher had tossed something out of their car,
It wasn’t drugs, guns, or even wads of cash but a full size beer keg?
-They must’ve kept the car door ajar.
Marathon County sheriff’s deputy tried to pull over Kafka’s car for broken tail light,
But Kofka sped away, at times hitting 120 mph to get out of sight,
Schleicher tossed out the keg which was recorded on police video—
-the two were arrested on a multitude of charges,
-dimwits against the law should not spar.

Thomas James had the brilliant idea to rob a cell phone store,
He sprayed his face with spray paint before he entered the door,
After he had stolen wallets and purses,
And left with curses,
He had a problem breathing, due to the spray paint, his life is no more.

Timothy Kissida was driving around in ’92 BMW,
He crashed his car into a bicycle ridden by Charles Waldrop-
-before Waldropp knew it, his life was through,
Timothy wanted to trade his in for Cash for Clunkers program—
- he told a fib bigger than big
Timothy claimed he hit a javelina –the Arizona version of a wild pig,
The dealer told the authorities; the evidence behind Kissida’s felonies was still to accrue.

Honolulu cops Shayne Souza and Kevin Fujioka were playing in a softball game,
In Las Vegas, was that influential place to blame?
They decided to smoke some bit of pot in their van,
That was illegally parked, a cop approached to move the van but however they ran,
Suoza and Fujioka abandoned the vehicle and were eventually caught-
-pot heads are all the same.

Chad R. Kortin of King, Wisconsin is no Rip Van Winkle,
He escaped from the probation and parole officers in an eye’s twinkle,
He was on the lam for a while,
When a nearby resident heard a strange noise from his wood pile,
Police found Chad snoring away; they took him away before he would tinkle.

Dante Krauss was feeling as a bird,
He was driving his motorcycle naked, in Marion County, Florida,
-that was the word,
Dante had blown a breathalyzer past a.08,
This was now his 5th DUI to date,
Dante couldn’t explain to cops where he’d come from, why he was nude,
-Dante is a total alcoholic nerd whose memory was blurred.

Matthew Don Reed, from West Virginia, wanted to get person’s ID,
So he forged a document and he pretended to be employed by the
- Department of Natural Resources and a governor pretended to be,
His would be coconspirator, through his conscious pangs,
Said “this is not right” for Matthew misspelled ‘things’ and printed ‘thangs’,
Matthew was charged with many of charges and arrested abruptly.