Episode V: The Return Of Masterminds Need Not Apply Poem by Joe Rosochacki

Keith Potter,50, no relation to Harry,
--was booked on burglary charges Wednesday,
He broke into a home while the homeowner was away.
He took a shower, had something to eat and drink,
He took a shower again to make sure he didn’t stink,
A relative recognized him for he was caught on the home’s security video,
-Keith was arrested Thursday.

Daniel Niederhelman of Shreveport, La., pretended to be a cop,
Daniel pulled over the town’s mayor, Cedric Glover to a stop.
Daniel mounted a flashing red light to the dashboard of his car,
This ‘want to be cop’ didn’t go very far,
Daniel pretend to be a cop was a flop.

Vincent Smith, no relation to Van Gogh, wished to have his 3rd Jack and Coke,
When he was refused by some bartender bloke.
Vincent wanted help so he called nine one one,
To find how he could get help from someone,
He was arrested by police for his misusing the emergency service, this wasn’t a joke.

Daniel Sampalski borrowed a motorized wheelchair,
After all he was drunk, he didn’t care,
Daniel attempted to drive it on I-94 in Milwaukee,
He was swerving back and forth anyone can see,
He was charged with drunk driving up in Cheesehead land way up there.

Robert Maday overpowered two officers,
--who were escorting him to the courthouse,
Robert ran away like a mouse,
Robert immediately robbed the same bank,
He was alleged to have earlier, was he memory a blank?
Robert was caught the next day, what stupid louse.

Jose Pascual, in Lake Worth, Fla., climbed over a backyard fence,
Jose allegedly wanted to burglarize the place but the plan backfired in a sense.
A 91-year-old man bolted from the bed,
Stark naked and brandishing a pistol, -Jose thought he was dead,
The elderly gentlemen held him until police came;
--he was acting in his own defense.

Shaheed Wright is no Candy Man,
Shaheed allegedly stashed baggies containing cocaine,
--that was his secret plan,
Shaheed took the coke and stashed it way in his four year-old son’s jacket,
Shaheed thought that the plan was dandy,
Telling the boy it was candy,
Now he is about to go to the can.

An officer noticed 29-year-old Cesar Lopez in a convenience store,
Cesar must’ve had the ‘munchies’, maybe he wanted Fritos and more,
The officer noticed a bag of marijuana stuck to his forehead,
The pothead made his own bed,
By not placing the bag under his baseball cap,
-- that is not what baseball caps are for.

Melissa Ferris was a paramedic in Caldwell, Idaho.
She apparently called a fake 911 call as we know,
After the ambulance left the garage the door wasn’t completely shut,
She managed to only have half of her body inside,
-- meanwhile the garage door began to close,
--she died later from injuries, her life cut,
There is speculation that she wanted prescription drugs that were locked up, ---‘to go’.

10-21-09