Eternal Nocturnal Journal (2009) Poem by David Joel Rodriguez

...Where do the lies of me fade away too?
...Where is this darkness I've longed for?
...Why do I hide in the midst of the mist?
...Is there a realm I yearn to once return?

Three decades I have carried my weightless corpse
Indian style I sit, praying with my hands and feet
Muttering, crying, gesturing away, feeding the wind
A trumpery till the end, until my mind slowly warps...

Immediately I stand with ears ringing in question
My eyes then wander around my eldritch premises
My unsteady legs somehow manage to silently walk
And my eerie head is focused, barred on a direction...

There I roam through the emptiness unharmed
A continuous debate of some relentless fear
Yet, my eyes at times saturate my face in tears
There I put my head down with weakened arms...

In disbelief, I slowly wonder where this life really begins
And at troubled times, morbidly wonder how it will end...
Forcefully manage to rest standing by a bay and a sunset
Elbows tucked, shivering from the 'unwelcomed' breeze...

I'd love to grasp the waves and splash it across the sun
But it is to late as it is hiding behind the ocean all alone
Sentimentally leaving me in the dark, dejected once again
Giving me those thoughts I really do not want to be sung...

I know I can not die, yet, I can not live like this alone
I fall to my knees with my palms covering my eyes
I pray to an unknown dialect wondering how I learned
I begin to scream till my ears start ringing to let me go...

I do not want this and I never ever wanted this!
How did I become to be the one to be chosen?
Do I deserve this uncontrollable pain everyday?
NO! ! This is punishment...for YOUR happiness! !

I hate it when you roll your eyes flicking though your stress
You have impelled your poisoned ink leaving the blame.
I take it all of course; don't have a choice in this game...
I take your suffering, your heartache, and your loneliness...

Now you have me at the end of the world kneeling in thought
Choosing a love like going through pebbles or crystal sand
Searching for an innocent stone to knock you on your head
Gullibly selecting, responding to a pick me and love me thread...