Fears Poem by Ivana RadanJamnicki

Yes I am fearful
Yes I may even be a coward
To go for my dreams or fight for my feelings
Yes I may get scared of getting to know you
Be confused by your words
Or be lost when I realize you are leaving much sooner
Than I explored whether there is something
About you and me that really fits
I get scared as of loneliness as of not being alone
I may find myself speechless or just blank
When I am supposed to be on the move
I even may not understand
Other people’s words or actions
For which I am afraid to be criticised
Or judged regarding my owns
I truly dread from others finding my flaws
And exploring my mistakes
Or looking into my reasons no-reasons or having-overseen things
Oh and the following pointing those out as-if-matter-of-factly
Just whenever the other side sees it convenient
I am afraid of staying and going
Taking and rejecting
Finding the middle between an ice-queen and selling myself shortly
Not knowing what my feelings are feels creepy
I am afraid of accidentally hurting other people
As well as embracing the ones who do not matter
And I fear from decisions and deadlines
And that in the certain little piece of destiny
I will not know the time just right to pull the strings
I may get emotional and love the man who is not right for me
I am afraid or showing no courtesy as well as not being witty
And of the consequences of my forgetfulness
Not to be forgotten being afraid of
Staying in my dream world for too long
And that the real world may not be as bad as I see it
While I am letting it slip out of my hands
Yes that middle way between being impatient and waiting for too long
Seems so vague and it scares me
But above all I have fears of looking into somewhere deeper
And finding I am just scared of
Myself
And that I will never leave this magic circle