.feeling Pity Of Myself... Poem by VILMA XELIN

I raise prayers to the sky
feeling pity of myself
I request God for sanity and autoestimate
And dignity to letting go
another opportunity to love
To stick my hands and stop fighting
for this zeal to find what I wish
I need the strength to accept
that he has gone for well
letting my soul totally break
bleeding through the wounds of the impotence and desolation
of finding only a breath when I hear his voice
of finding myself only seeing into his eyes
and feeling alive only among his arms
I need the understanding and acceptance
to take up that everything is over now
to assume that already nothing
will turn back the magic that we enjoyed
and won’t be the future that we once dreamed
nothing left about the life that now he extracts from me...
Suspended in the emptiness
of the hollow thoughts
of understanding and drowned… suffocated
with frustration filling my life of disappointment
and my now truncated uneasiness
meanwhile I lose every kind of hope
looking into my recollections
for the inducement that allows me to feel,
like you were here with me
looking into my hands for a solution
that could bring a purpose to this desperation
imagining that I find the reason and the motive
wishing that I could give my best fighting
searching for the lost things…
but once again, I only fall down from the top of my hopes
up to the deep of the abyss of this sad reality
which you never loved me
which you only play your games with me
using me as your salvation table
to push me to kidnapping you from your desolation life
but at least I learned the lesson
not everyone who asks for help
is really ready to receive it
and I should stay as the barn without the needle
senseless in my search of lost causes
without motive in my battle for the impossible ones
without chink of my soul that does not take his flavor…
the bittersweet blood bathed of his perfidy
with his caliber fuse exploding
in gunpowder of my desolate heart
Knowing that I loved him till the emptiness
Which is all that he left to me