First Love Poem by Elijah Hopson

First Love

Rating: 0.5


Well where to start,
the best is probably from the heart,
Thoughts of the concious say your better than this,
to damn smart,
a Facebook message and a few text messages and a phone call later,
we're together me and you,
talking about being together forever,
you make me better,
got my heart blowing in the breeze,
like a birds feather,
In all honesty baby,
that's why I'm writing this letter,
love is what we found,
my mind running circles round and round,
wanting to take trips outta town,
my heart beats for you like mayweather in a fight,
pound for pound

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Michael Round 03 August 2012

A poem is, so to speak, a word picture. A poem does not need a line structure, rhythm or rhythm, but they help. This poem is written in the form of prose, a sort of poetic prose, and I do not think it works. I think you should have made use of lines. I think it very poor authorship to use an i or an I - but you use both, which is worse. Typos are so easy to make, and errors in spelling line up behind one's fingers... but you have to get into the habit at putting your amazing world shattering poem (we all think that) to one side for a week and read it like a reader rather than the besotted author. Keep writing, but try a different form, for this is neither one thing nor another. (and go back and edit this one)

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