Going To Dream Of You Poem by Louise Tredoux

Without Rudi, life has become unending night,
without Rudi, I’ve reached the end of my flight;
resigned, at first I cried and screamed in anger,
couldn’t accept his work took him away

I kept my pose until he had left, then I let go and
screamed and screamed and screamed; Juliette
called, I was hoarse, she thought I had a cold,
next day laryngitis, for the first time I realized

What talking meant to me, how I kept people at
bay by the way I talked all around and beyond
and over the matter at hand; without my voice,
a young man suddenly became too friendly

I could not frighten him off with my usual noise, I
eschew all people until I’m able to misdirect their
attention, keeping my secrets safe, normally
nobody knows how much I miss Rudi

Without bravado, playing word games, acting a role
I’m vulnerable, must literally hide to keep them from
seeing my misery; finally cleaned all the cupboards,
Rudi will be so proud, but my heart is numb

No fun in working without him here, no sense of ac-
complishment, lost my sense of wonder, the ability to
take delight in the little things in life; yet refusing to
remain tethered to my own sorrow

I am listening to the music of “The Merry Widow” - to my
infinite joy I’m able to sing along, my vocal chords have
recovered from shock, the flight into the ecstasy of high,
clear notes has begun, feeling the sweet vibration

Floating off on the melodies, Dumme dumme Reitersmann,
oh my Rudi, reitet reitet weiter, you are so dumme to leave
me here all alone; Ich bin ein’ anstandige Frau; remaining
faithful to you all the time; now I am going to dream of you

Feeling your kisses, hearing your laughter, tomorrow the
sun will shine again and I shall happily prepare to welcome
you back when you return...