Holiday Diets -- Not! ! ! .........[overeating; Holiday Food; Diets; Humor] Poem by Bri Edwards

This time of year lots of people talk.... of going on a diet.
But I'd be surprised if even ten percent of them ever try it.
Sure holiday food can cause some fat surprises,
but that's why clothing stores sell bigger sizes.

Pecan pie with ice cream, and apple pie with cheese
will slide down my pipe, with holiday consummate ease.
And don't forget the buttered dinner rolls and warm banana bread,
because if you think I'd pass them up, you're out of your bloody head!
Don't let doctors scare you with warnings, about too much food.
Pile your plates high, and don't forget, towards the cook don't you be rude.

So pass the potatoes, the more gravy and butter the better.
I'll just loosen my belt, and undo the row of buttons on my sweater.
Put a mountain of rare beef on my plate and wine in my tall glass.
And after the holidays, a good tailor, can let out the pants' seams for my ass.

(2010)