How Much Can He See Of Me Poem by Louise Tredoux

Could I trust Rudi to love me if I were
just myself, without wearing a mask?
I had to play a role to please my father -
learnt to read people’s expectations and
body language; I cannot simply be me
with Rudi…

What would he do if I told him of all that
I read - what would he say if he knew of
my affinity for New Age Theories, what
would he think if I exposed my love for
Zen Buddhism and my yen for Hinduism,
my tolerance for Muslims and

Old Testament Jewish traditionalism, my
fascination with Helena Blavatsky’s theo-
sophy that brought a schism into English
society, my love for mediums, spiritualists
and guardian angels – will he be shocked
by this eclectic mix

Of relativist, subjective spiritualism with
a bizarre dash of determinism? Will his
love wane with more knowledge of the
roses of insight that delights me; will I
have to read New Age and Buddhist
material hidden under

The cover of other books as I had to
at home; how much of me can he
see before I lose his love?