How To Spot A Pervert Poem by Dean Meredith

We are masters and mistresses of disguise, and most adept at looking normal.
We have excellent eyesight, might still wear glasses, and may or may not have mentally undressed you, while looking you straight in the eyes and without you knowing.
We are highly fashion conscious, and dress so badly we neither make statements nor try to be ahead of our time.
We are experts in the bedroom; however this only applies to the subtle moving and positioning of furniture.
We are great lovers of food and can cook, eat and drink, all in the one kitchen; but we are not gastronomes - that would be showing off.
We prefer our own cars to buses and trains. In our own cars we can pick our noses in private.
We know about art, including films, music and painting, but we don't always get it.
We are inherently lazy creatures, and prefer watching TV and sleeping to anything else.
We like libraries, because the books are usually quiet.
We detest public toilets - they are impossible to find and inevitably by the time we get there, we have a new traumatic experience to share with our psychologists.
We have families and friends who we don't really know and who don't really know us, and that's probably just as well.
We are incredibly shallow people with deep thoughts, strong hearts and weak minds.
We are natural cowards who go places we shouldn't and feel more than we should.
We are not nice, but those closest to us think we are. Fools - at least we share that in common.
We aim to be strange, but not different, and often just settle for weird.
We are everybody and we are nobody, except for those times when we're somebody in between.
We are actually impossible to find, unless you're one of us too.