Hyponicotinaphobia Poem by Alessandra Liverani

Ambulance please come quick
We have a medical emergency
There is a person here quite ill
They need fixing with some urgency

What is the problem may I ask?
So we can send the right supplies
Nicotine levels are very low
They must be raised, or this man dies

Oh my God, that sounds quite serious
I’ll send the paramedics right away
Let me know if breathing stops
Then we may have to start to pray

So what drugs are you going to bring here?
To fix this poor person up
They are feeling very poorly
I think that they have suffered enough

Well actually no drugs can help this person
It’s hyponicotinaphobia that they’ve caught
Could you repeat that please
Did I hear it as I ought?

Yes, you heard correctly
I’ll translate to you from Greek
A fear of low nicotine in the blood
Is what’s making this person freak

Sure, we can elevate nic levels
By pumping some more in
But that will not remove the fear
So it will not be such a win

This hyponicotinaphobia
How do we remove this fear
By reading doggerel such as this
Is one way and it’s right here