I... Poem by Emily Reid

I want to cry
I want to scream
I want to tell you mostly
I hate that I’m so afraid of everything
I hate that you the one thing I want most but can’t have
I hate that you don’t want me like I want you
I wish I could use my own lies I use to cover up the pain you left
I wish I were good enough for you
I wish you needed me like I need you
I envy the way this hasn’t hurt you at all
I envy her
I envy that you don’t understand what this feels like at all
I want to hurt you
I want to be with you
I want this nightmare to be over
I wish I could make things how they were before
I wish I could change time
I wish I could change you
I wish I could have hurt you before you hurt me
I wish I could have given you the letter when I wanted
I need you out of my heart
I need to start doing things for me
I’m tired of hoping aimlessly for you
I’m tired of wanting something I can’t have
I’m tired of hurting me for things that aren’t my fault
I’m sorry you don’t think I’m good enough
I’m sorry I defended you when everyone else was right
I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy
I’m sorry I fell head over heels in love with you
Funny though how you never once said sorry for hurting me,
For breaking me,
For not loving me…