I Am Speechless Poem by Sweta Leena Panda

I am speechless
Sometimes I cry
Sometimes I shout
Sometimes I laugh
Sometimes I feel like who am I
Am I the mad behind a normal face?
I asked God
You are great
I salute you
I don't know what you gonna make me
What you are doing with me
Why you are doing with me
Still I am saying, I have faith on you
Now my words may seems like
A mad man's murmuring sound
I may act like snow fall in deep winter
I know I am always odd
So tell me, what I can do
You are strange my lord
You made me in such a way
Neither I can laugh nor can I smile by heart
Sometimes I feel like my prayer can't reach to your heart
Today I am saying
Yes, I am free and open
I feel like dying inside
I feel like I am nothing
I feel like crying
I feel it's better to be alone for whole life
I feel it's better to die alone
Than live a fake committed life
I hate to be committed
I don't know why
I make friends
But end up with love
I don't know how it happens and when it
As I never ever feel from myside
May be I am different in my perspective
I am happy with lonely sometimes
At least no one will be there to drag me down
At least no one will be there to kill me inside
At least no one will be there to disappoint me
Now I am happy single but I had a bad past
Which I always take as a bad dream
Where I saw myself lonely with mental trauma
I spend my days with crying
I found no one was there in my side
I was begging for help
However no one was there to support me
I was crying for save me
In the end I found no one left in my life
Then I promise to myself I going to be strong from inside
I'll not need anyone else in my life
I happy alone life
If anyone wants to come in my life
They are absolutely free
They can come anytime and also can leave
But as a visitor of my life
They can come as a friend of mine
Sorry to say! I am reserve for myself already
I am enjoying my life
Don't stand and stare at my happiness
It's killing me inside
Enjoy your life and let me live too
This is my message
Which my lord I want to convey you
Kindly help me with compassion and love
Give me strength to live this life
I am not perfect at all
However I want to live my life fullest and make my dream perfect
I hope! You are going to support me for that
This is my only speech before you my lord
Please! Don't make me speechless for forever