IBRAHIM SUMAYYA

Rookie (15 january)

I Battle Self Hatred


The world is dark
And so is my life
I hate feeling this hatred towards life
But there’s so much pain
I feel horrible inside

I seem lost in a moment
Don’t ask me about myself
I wouldn’t be able to answer
Every day I stare at my reflection in the mirror
And feel sick
I hate myself to the very inner core of my existence
I'm afraid it's never going to go away
I wish to tell myself
“You’re on top of the world”
Something inside so strong
Stop me

I make every reasonable attempt
To be different
But all the ways in which I can be better
Seem distant and unavailable
Is God biased?
Is it fair to bless some with beauty and others not?
Why God allow some people to be born into poverty
And some to be born with a silver spoon?
Why God created black and white people?
Why was God unfair to me like this?
HE made no effort to make me smile in my own skin
He had to make things right

I don't want to care anymore
The world is a test to pass
Whether to go to hell or heaven
I don’t feel like I need to be on this planet anymore
So I set myself on fire
Ready to burn
Burn with this Insecurity
Anger
Fear
Jealousy
And low self-esteem
That’s doing me wrong
So terribly wrong
It leaves me in an extremely tough situation
I don’t think I have anything
I want to feel different and alive again

Submitted: Friday, October 25, 2013
Edited: Saturday, October 26, 2013

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Poet's Notes about The Poem

Its hard to not to feel yourself and your purpose in life. The greatest pain is losing your inner peace and being aimless

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