I'Ll Never Be Able To Find Myself Poem by Jennifer Kay

I've given up on the quick sharp razors.
They don't satisfy me as much.
Not as much as the slightly dull tip,
of a piece of glass.
so cool to the touch, and smooth.
i can push as hard as i want,
and it draws little blood.
It doesn't cut nearly as deep,
but the ridges it makes in my skin,
are so much bigger,
than a little slice from metal.

there's less anticipation,
less hassle.
i can put so much anger into it,
so much pressure.
with minimal damage.
yes, it still hurts,
just a little pain.
and i still wince at it,
with a nice wide grin.

why the hell am i like this,
how did it all come to be.
i dont even know who i am anymore.
i dont know anything.
will i be so lost,
for the rest of my life?
it's all so hopeless..
out of my control.
sanity lays just out of my reach.
and i'll never be able to grasp it,
not even touch it.