I Lost My Baby Poem by Ramona Thompson

Heartbroken and miserable
Drowning in all my sorrows is the horror of what I have
done
Unthinkable
Horrible
Praying to God that no one ever finds out about it
My nightmate
My worse fatal mistake
Haunting me 24/7 that...
I lost my baby....on purpose


So young
So selfish
By the time I found out that I was pregnant it was too late
Too late for backing out
Too late to have an abortion
So I decided to take matters into my own hands
Made a choice
A bold and dangerous choice to arrange for myself
A tinny, tiny accident
One that would solve the problem growing so heavy and
gross inside of me
Now I can't help hating myself
Wishing that I could take back the sin of what I did
On that awful, awful night when....
I lost my baby....on purpose


Only married for a year to the man of my dreams
Had no interest and still don't in sharing him with anyone
else
At least not yet
Not this soon
God help me I know it was wrong but at the time it felt so
right
So damm right
I should't have done it
I wish to hell now that I had't but I can't take it back
All I can do now is spill my guts
Here onto the page
In my most private diary
My most shameful and terrible secret yet that....
One night just about a month ago....
I lost my baby....on purpose


Oh my God!
What have I done? !
I should't have posted this here
These thoughts
My most private innermost thoughts were never supposed
to be made this public
For all of you to know and judge me for
Oh God please!
Promise me!
All of you!
Each and every last one of you has to promise me that what
has been revealed here
Will go nowhere else but here
You have to promise me that none of you will ever use this
secret againest me
You must each swear swear on all that is holy and right
that no one else but us will ever know that...
I lost my baby.....


The baby that my husband wanted so very badly
So much more then I did
That was the baby that I.....

Oh God I am so ashamed!

That was the baby that....

That was the baby that....

The baby that I lost on purpose!

2006 Ramona Thompson