I Love You, He Loves Me. Poem by Emily Reid

To him I'm beautiful and exciting, but to you I'm just not good enough. I let you both go and he stuck by me through it all. I chased after you and left him behind but he still loved me. You don't want me and yet you lead me on… I guess I'm doing the same thing to him though. I've made mistakes but he forgave me, I don't think you ever did. You both hold a very special place in my heart. The thing is that he understands and respects me but I only want to be his friend because we're so close. With you, I want to be so much more. With everything that I've been through with you and dealing with my horrible mistakes, I thought you'd understand how much I need you. But he's there for me and supports me, he loves me but it hurts because I can never love him that way again. I'm holding back tears just writing this and I wish that we could be together again and just see how things go. I've been trying for about 7 months to get you back and he's been with me through all the tears I've cried over you and over everything else. If I loved him the same way again then things might be easier, but I don't, and I can't. He just wants me to be happy but I can't really be happy because I'm not with you. I thought I could start over and find someone new but I can't because everything reminds me of you. It doesn't matter if it's a love story in a movie or a sad song, I just break down crying. I was balling through the movie the other night because I couldn't even look at you without thinking that you don't want me and how much I love you. You both me the world to me but I love you, I only want you. I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I'm always thinking about you which causes me to always cry no matter where I am. I just want a second chance to tell you all of this. I know your scared and I'm terrified because I can't lose you again. What hurts the most is knowing that I caused all of this, you don't want me because of who I am and what I've done. I should hate you for that right? Then why don't I…? U love you but I'm hurting him always because of it. I need you, please, understand the way that he does. I can't let either of you go. I've hurt you both too much and I'm so so sorry. Please forgive me, because if you can't, how am I ever supposed to forgive myself?