Treasure Island

Susan Sparks

(July 8,1957 / Fort Leavenworth, Kansas)

I'm Fat!


I'm fat, I'm fat
We can't have that.
I want to be thin
Cuz thin is in.

If thin is in,
Then why do I stick out?
Cuz I eat too much
I have no doubt.

Because I am a glutton
I cannot button
My shirt-
Or my skirt.

Jack Sprat
Could eat no fat
And his wife could eat no lean
What exactly does this mean?

Jack Sprat was thin
Cuz thin was in
And his wife was fat
Cuz fat was where it's at.

Snickers bars and Almond Joys
Potato chips and Chips Ahoys
Caramel popcorn and natural fructose
On comes the pounds and the cellulose.

I am now comatose
Because of an overdose
Of food.
How rude.

I just got home from the restaurant
Where I ate almost anything I want.
I'm now so full I'm going to be sick.
To eat like that I must be a lunatic.

How I feel I can't describe
I'll call my doctor and ask him to
prescribe
Something good for indigestion
And then I'll ask him just one more
question:

'How can I lose all this weight I've
put on?
I know by now I must weigh a ton.'
He'll probably give me his two cents
worth
And proceed to ask me 'How on Earth

Can anyone eat the way you do?
To eat that much is quite taboo.
There should be a law against the way
you eat.
You probably go on a diet just so you
can cheat.'

To heck with doctors- what do they know?
I'm sure right now I'm on a plateau.
Tomorrow is another day.
I wonder just how much I'll weigh.

I'm fat, I'm fat,
So what- who cares?
So what if my buttocks
Have to sit in two chairs!

Submitted: Saturday, March 22, 2014
Edited: Wednesday, March 26, 2014

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Topic(s): Humor

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Poet's Notes about The Poem

I was fat when I wrote this poem eleven years ago, and I'm even fatter now. However, I lost 25 pounds last year due to a health scare and having to go to a cardiologist. By the way, I'm interested in this becoming a rap song. If you are a rapper or know someone who is, please feel free to message me for a possible collaboration.

Comments about this poem (I'm Fat! by Susan Sparks )

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  • Elias Uddin (3/26/2014 9:40:00 PM)

    I'm NOT fat, I'm NOT fat,
    So what- who cares?
    So what if my buttocks
    Have to sit in HALF A chair!

    What an imagination! Humorous from top to buttocks! (Report) Reply

Read all 2 comments »

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