Kathleen J. Shields
I Miss You Mom - Poem by Kathleen J. Shields
I’ve wanted just to tell you a few things you ought to know
I’m doing pretty good now, I’m better than so-so.
I think the guilt has passed me, I’m sleeping now at night
I’ll forever - ever miss you, but I know I’ll be alright.
I wish we could have spoken, to at the very least say bye
But time we didn’t treasure and it left us on the fly.
I know that he’s responsible and I should loathe him for the rue
But I hardly think about him, the one I think about is you.
I feel like I have hardly grieved, so much there was to do
So many details and plans to make, I did it all for you.
I hoped that maybe my hard work would show you how I felt
But as the job was finished, I know I hadn’t dealt.
And now this time has passed us, and they say it’s not too late
But how can I cry for you now, since it feels I made you wait?
My feelings are conflicted, not a day goes by me now
That I don’t think of you a dozen times, more if I’d allow
Everything I see and hear, everything I watch and read
Has a part of you within its shell, a part of you I need.
So how can I go on each day and pretend that all is fine?
Get back to work and create so much, write poetry and design?
I don’t know how, but I’m doing it, it baffles me extreme
I hurt and yet I’m living, I’m scared but I don’t scream.
I’m sad and yet my tears don’t shed unless I’m all alone
Every memory I have of you, I chisel it in stone.
I mope but when I’m asked of it, I smile and dismiss
To constantly bring the issue up, would to them just be remiss.
I’ve never lost somebody that meant so much to me,
and no one taught me how, I am supposed to be.
The days go on and work comes in, I’m expected to survive
Because when all is said and done, it’s me who is alive.
But mom I really miss you, I always will I’m sure
And as each month and year goes by, I doubt I’ll find a cure.
Our story can’t be ended, there’s too much that’s left to do
I have still my entire life, I can’t share it now with you.
What’s left unsaid I could easily say but can you hear me say it?
I’ll never know if I’ll be heard, your voice will never emanate.
So I will always wonder, and I will always think
And I will always ponder, always sit here on the brink
And I will always think of you and everything I hear
Everything I watch and see, will bring you ever near.
And every little action and every little dream
Will be for you, and me and us, because we were a team.
And you will forever be in my heart, as time goes by unheard
I think I’m doing better now, because it is preferred.
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