I Never Poem by Skye Masen

I never wanted to leave
I never wanted to make him cry
But my emotions got the better of me
I didn't even care anymore
Too much pain
The pain of doubt
The pain of abuse
I hated it too much

I knew I had it light
Cause my mommy and daddy only hit me when they were really mad
And most of the abuse was emotional
Though I knew I was an over emotional girl
I just couldn't get myself to tell anyone
I knew I needed help

This one time I almost spilled the beans
To a guy who was trust-worthy
He saw through my smile
He saw through my lies
He knew I was in pain

But even before he started talking to me
I knew that he would become
Something important in my life
And right I was
As soon as we started talking together
I fell for him
Good and hard
It felt good to be near him
I knew he flirted
With all the girls he talked to
And the jealousy got to me
Every single time I got so jealous
I broke a pen
I broke a pencil
When I heard from a friend
That she had seen him snogging another girl
It broke my heart
Ever since then we haven't talked as much
Though we do sometimes
It isn't as fun as it used to be
I still look out for him in the crowd
But now I realized
Even before he is always with her
And he came just before I died.

I died a couple days ago
Been a couple days and I am watching over
Every single person that was important to me
Especially him
I remember those last words he said
'I love you! '
I had only the strength to say 'I love you more.'
As soon as I passed
I saw you crying over my body
You held me tight
Though I was dead I felt the warmth
It felt so good
This is what I wished would have happened before
I killed myself
Been a couple weeks
He still looks sad
Every day I see him talking to my best friends
Though he's not the type to express his feelings
He kept on saying how he missed my smiles
Even though he knew they were fake
Even though he knew that the only person
Who had seen my real smile is that other guy I used to date
I look back at all the times
That we spent together
Wasn't much but it was still there
I can now see that he had interest in me
I wish I realized this earlier
I might have been happy
But now when I see him crying
Tears pouring down
Just because of me

This isn't what I wanted
This isn't what I expected
He said that I was so good at understanding peoples troubles
Their pain inside
Their misery
My friends agreed
But I never knew they all felt that way
Sure they all told me that
But I didn't believe them
Though that really hurts
The thing that hurts most is
When I see you at home all alone
You don't eat much
You don't sleep much
Because of me