I'Ve Been To A Hundred Year Party! Poem by John Knight

I'Ve Been To A Hundred Year Party!

Rating: 5.0


I've been to a hundred year party
My friend from the Home - Naughty Nelly
We had curry and rice
Which was very nice
But Old Colonel Tom - got hot on the spice
So he had icecream and donuts and jelly.

I've been to a hundred year party
And smart in our wheelchairs we sat
Then Old Mrs Heath
She dropped her false teeth
And they rolled on the floor by the door - underneath
The table and frightened the cat!

I've been to a hundred year party
The Magician was better - in my day
He looked very swarve
But he sawed Dolly Scarf
Discretely - completely and neatly in half
The funerals are Thursday and Friday!

I've been to a hundred year party
Mister Jones fell asleep in his chair
He was 23 stone
And he played the trombone
Se we thought it better to leave him alone
The next day he was stiff - but still there.

I've been to a hundred year party
With Noonoo and Namcy and Nada
Maureen - pointed hat
Had brought her Black Cat
And a broomstick she kept with her spells in her flat
And then she flew off to Granada!

I've been to a hundred year party
With our Zimmers we did the line dance
But Poor Uncle Joe
Slipped his disc - dosydo
And fell in the cleavage of Poor Auntie Flo
Who fell on the floor in a trance!

I've been to a hundred year party
I am careful not to eat pork
Or anything yeller
That contains salmonella
And I've kept away from the lethal salt cellar
But still I'm unable to walk!

I've been to a hundred year party
At the start we has guests - thirty five
Four couldn't stay
Five passed away
And six have never been seen since that day
And the rest are just barely alive!

Don't go to a hundred year party
They're lethal - far worse than for kids
You might break your back
Or end up in a sack
Or get really hooked on hashish or crack
Or just end up on the skids
DON'T DO IT - YOU'LL RUE IT!

I have recently attended a Hundred Year Party - it wasn't quite as bad as above but almost! Fortunately the venue was quite close to the local hospital so not too much permanent damage was done!

(John Knight - Colchester - October 2009)

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Carol Gall 29 October 2009

hilarious thanks great comedy 10

0 0 Reply
Patti Masterman 29 October 2009

I can't stop laughing. I simply must attend a hundred years party now (not my own but somebody elses, hopefully) .

0 0 Reply
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John Knight

John Knight

Liverpool - UK
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