I'Ve Gone Back ~ Part 4 Poem by Mary Nagy

The door to my room
showed the scars
that we had long ago hidden.
The hole kicked in at the bottom,
the hole punched in at the height of my head.
I envy the strength in this door,
battered and broken, yet still standing strong.

Inside the room I'm amazed
at the amount of clothes on the floor.
I never had any clothes!
I wore the same 2 outfits for what seemed years!
Where did all the clothes come from?
With a closer look I see why
they were left on the floor.
Dog feces and urine stains
show that the dogs have
claimed the clothes for their own.
(knowing how mom loved those dogs...
I'm not suprised at this!)

The dresser is empty
(except for the tablet of my writings
hidden underneath the broken record player)
They still never found it!
I can't help smile to discover my secret
has still been kept.

The bunkbeds against the wall
seem naked as I look for bedding.
No sheets, no blankets, no pillows.
No comfort.
A chill runs up my spine
as I remember those nights.

The single bed against the other wall
sits alone.
The smell of the urine soaked mattress
burns my nose as I move to leave the room.
What I search for is not here.
The door closes with a whimper
and I look across the hall.
My parent's bedroom.



**Part 4 in a Series of 6