I Wanted To Love You... Poem by Nae Tyler

I never thought I'd be running out of love
but this has went on for too long
I don't want to hurt him
he's done nothing wrong

still day by day
with his innocent smile
he'll ask to come over
to stay for a while

so day after day
I'll make an excuse
I wish he'd just leave
away from this abuse

I can see it in his eyes
unabashedly, he thinks he loves me
I dropp endless hints
he just doesn't see

I wanted to love him
though now, even that desires gone
a new day brings more shame
I'm leading him on

how long will I linger
on something we've lost
can it last?
whats the cost?

I was a loner
he sat next to me
told him I didn't want him
he said he'd wait for me

6 months went by
alone in the library holding back tears
I prayed for a change
he never knew of those fears

the next day he was there
I figured I'd open my heart
now I wish I could take that back;
that was the start

I thought that was love
so painfully naive
we'd meet secretly, parents didn't know
couldn't believe

inevitably, they found out
I didn't care then
heart beating fast
he asked me to be his girlfriend

he told me his story
and gave me his trust
holding hands, the happiest
this was love, no lust

but then time went by
the newness went away
and with a kiss of regret
I didn't want to stay

I searched and I hoped
light went out after fading to dim
seems like I fell in love
with the idea of love, not him

I wish he'd go wrong
more so than he already is
so he'd have reason to leave
I'd give back his heart, I'd give back his

he doesn't deserve this
I need him to know
he holds my hand as I hold his heart
I wish he'd just let go