I Watched Her Poem by tina anderson

I Watched Her



the scary thing is, i woke up today and i finally saw me through your eyes. and it dawned on me: i can't pretend anymore. i can't hide under itchy wool that swallows my skin. i cannot cower into the greedy hollows of my mind or fade between the creases in my calloused palms.

because when i woke up, that's all i saw. i saw a girl collect her purple bruises, midnight shadows she carries beneath her foggy blue eyes. i saw her swing her toes, ankles, knees, thighs over the side of a swollen bed. the toes she wishes were less ordinary and more ballerina. the ankles that hold thin skin and thick regrets. the knees she does not trust and the thighs she will never befriend.

i watched her shrink into loved jeans and a worn sweater. she's cold now, but she'll only get colder. i followed her through the kitchen and past (passed) breakfast into the bathroom to the sink. she scrubs at the bruises, pries at the freckles but not once does she look herself in the eye through the hexagon mirror with its glaring spotlights. she does not need to see to know what's there.

she is tired, she is hungry, she is late. her mother will again remind her in some way that she is a disappointment and wish her a good day at school. it's a subtle reminder, maybe a glance, maybe a sigh, maybe something else. but it's there, now inside the fluorescent blue of her veins. a blue which, in the dimest of lights, will glow.

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