If Only Poem by Deva De Silva

Resting my fingers on your soft palm
Grasping its warmth reviving my heart
Straining to be heard above the living
I whisper in a frail voice, wavering
'If only I had a better choice! '

I wish I lived brave, freed myself of bondage
Denying versions of me that smothered
Rules I obeyed, roles I played
Living a life endorsed by others
If only I had fearlessly strayed...

Shriveled fingers, coarse, yellowed nails
Summon a yearning to feel alive again
Dreams unrealized lay forlorn
Peaks never reached, leer beyond
If only I had the courage to soar...

I wish I sang my voice hoarse
Danced my happy feet sore
Penned every inspired verse
Soaked in scents, rhythms, and colours
If only I paraded my heart to dazzle...

A flimsy body resting on white sheets
My withered skin against your youthful sheen
I yearn to hold family, friends long gone
Claim their hearts, hear their laughs
If only I had returned home more often...