William Chaplar Poems

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1.
Flawless English

If the English language was indeed one without flaws,
inlaws—once the divorce was final—would become outlaws.
There'd be a whole new way for us to spell words such as sleigh.
And none would be confused when they looked at the word croquet.
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2.
Civil War Ballad

America, America, sweet land of liberty.
But how could you so easily condone captivity?
Abolition was the call for half the citizenry.
The other half seemed well content with gross iniquity.
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3.
Don'T Stop The Laughter

Because adolescence is inopportune,
too many are trying to grow up too soon.
Instead of believing that your life's a flop,
try remembering where you were when the laughter stopped.
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4.
Be Prepared

A marathoner starts a race but quits after a mile,
and people ask why he so poorly fared.
It doesn't take a genius or that awfully long a while
for all to see that he was not prepared.
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5.
My Sister's Child

The world that we live in will not be so wild
in the lifetime of my sister's child.
With the planet, our species will be reconciled
in the lifetime of my sister's child.
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6.
Say What You Mean

Your portly sister asks you if her dress makes her look fat.
I'm sorry, but there's just one way for you to answer that.
"Yes! " must be your abrupt reply, though it might cause dismay.
'Cause if you don't say what you mean, you can't mean what you say.
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7.
Elisha Saw!

Elijah told Elisha that he had to go away.
The Lord sent him to Bethel, so he told his friend to stay.
But Elisha let him know their parting would not come to be.
"As the Lord and thy soul liveth, " he said, "I will not leave thee."
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8.
Green Tea

This past year on Saint Patrick's Day, I made a huge mistake.
I made a stupid comment, and it caused a friend heartache.
At a table filled with people, I commented with a wink,
"Saint Patrick's Day's a great excuse for friends to have a drink."
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9.
Why Does No One Cite Leviticus?

Why does no one cite Leviticus?
Didn't it have things to say?
People spend the live-long day
repeating what John had to say.
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10.
Solomon, David, And Saul

Kings in the Old Testament numbered a lot,
and few can remember them all.
But even those of us who ditched Sunday school
know Solomon, David, and Saul.
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