Indulgent Self Poem by Pasha Satara

(for Xpistos before I knew he was Xpistos)

two smokes sitting in the living room
after a long day,
there is no smoking here, long days
are part of the package...
& the smoke filters up,
a self-indulgent testament
to my weakness, hey,
i never said perfection was my aim.

this is dribble.
i am drool.
so moronicly mesmerized by the one
i cannot have...
i've made it a way of life, this intense,
this intense way of trying to ease, ease,
ease my lonely,
& it doesn't work.

can't seem to accept what is
can't seem to accept what was
can't seem to be in the now
can't seem to go to the when

won't drink the water
won't steal the wine
won't do a damn thing
about a damn thing;

i need a reason.

i don't care if your voice breaks
when you sing my name(s) , or
even if you have hair on your head,
just give me a reason,
& let it be you.