Infamous Notion Poem by Andrus Cassian

Over 1200 poems I have constructed, written
bled, cried for, endured tremendous insanity
What do I have to show for it...
just more pencils, just more pens
5 more unused notepads
and a decaying, boring, repetitive, bland outlook on the rest of the world
If I were to clone myself, I'd beat myself black and blue
for reasons I can't uncover
for I scribbled all my mistakes
and silent distastes
Love, what infamous notion did I ever truly believe I'd find it
I'm only 18
the only my age believes in are flings
what a blasphemous thing
Am I overrreacting to my recent weeks
I could be
Don't remind me
I am aware some lives are worse than my mine by 10x
but I'm not living their lives
just dwelling in my own personal mini tragedies
As the hour sinks into 9, I sink into darkness
ever so slowly
I have the urge to seclude myself in my cocoon of covers
but it's been said and done
I chuckle at the thought that I was believed myself invincible
hahahahahaha
....I'm only indefinitely vulnerable