Is Anyone Listening? Poem by Elizabeth Jacqueline Mpanga

i stare outside the window of my soul
i fear the unhappiness that i see
i fear the frailty of my body, my heart, my soul
i fear what is happening around me

the hopelessness overwhelms me
the spark once seen so brightly is but a mere glow
a glow slowly burning it within itself

life’s harsh realities have frightened me,
i feel so wounded and strained
i find no reason to smile
my inner joy is gone

my insides feel drained and drenched in self pity,
disappointment, bitterness, hopelessness, worthlessness
oh how i have tried to kill this sadness
but it gets stronger each time i try to kill it

it nibbles away at my confidence and self-worth
it nibbles away at my enthusiasm for life
everyday is just a routine for the joy is just but a shadow of the days and years gone by.

i have wallowed for so long in this pit
i no longer know what the outside looks like
i do not know how and who to reach out to
everyone is too busy doing their own thing

i do admit i need help
but i do not have anyone to tell because no one wants to listen,
those that listen make fun of me and call me names
others simply ignore me

my strength fails me
i can no longer speak
so i write it down so that even when am gone
someone will see my call for help