Just A Few To Forget The Guilt Poem by kupkake kisses

The guilt is overwhelming....
The physical pain isn't bearable..
The emotional scars still remain....
So do the ones on my arms.
I pulled out the blade
Ran it across my wrists...one, two, three times.
Crimson red fills the bowl and I think I'm going to be sick.
With every thing spinning so fast I cannot breath.
Walls closing in and everything fades.
Fashes of light come by, one, by one.
Feeling sleepy not knowing your name.
Not knowing mine.
There it is. my favorite thing of all this,
ah the feeling of pain is gone from before and new form enters me.
Laying here waiting for you to come home.
I open my eyes and see flashes of what you did...wanting to forget.
You walk inside.
You call to me and wait for an answer.
You hear small light breaths coming from the bathroom.
You know that it is me, so you walk down the hall.
You walk in. Oh god, is all you can think.
I'm trying to look up at you but I can't move.
a cold chill comes over me as you pick me up.
You say we are going to the hospital and that everything will be ok.
You rush me in.
Blood running down.
The nurse rushes you to a bed so I can lay down.
I can hear you asking her something.
But I can't make out the words.
I feel something cold and wet touch my face then my arm.
I feel the prick of a sharp object go in my right arm.
The nurse says that I need stitches because the wounds are to deep.
I feel the thread go in and out through my arm.
And a cloth go around and around.
After I have slept for two days they let you in.
I can move again and open my eyes.
You say that I got 76 stitches because the cuts were way to deep.
And that I almost died.
I pull off the band-aid and look.
I see over 20 cuts and begin to cry.
You tell me its ok and we will get some help.
About a year or two later...
I look back at this mistake....and I think
What was wrong with me to make me do this....
Then i remember that day....everything you did and said....
The scars are still there...where they will remain as a constant reminder.....
Some times I wish I could go back to that day.....so I can make it right.
I know i never can.....it haunts me day and night...