Anne Unknown

(15-09-1995 / Den Helder, Netherlands)

Leaving


Leaving them behind,
was as if I left part of myself behind.
The confidence they gave me,
dissapeared and left me shaking with fear for the unknown,
They made me into a new me,
a better me.
I hope to stay that way,
but I fear the worst.

Pain hit me like fist to my chest,
it made it hard for me to breathe,
and suddenly I felt a small, feeble child,
left abandoned by her mother in the huge world,
having to fend for herself.

Tears ran down my face at the moment of departure,
and I felt angry because of the weakness I showed.
But I couldn't help it,
Friends I saw as my siblings,
stayed behind.
My sister whom I'm so close to,
stayed behind.
I felt alone.

It seemed almost unimaginable,
that I've known most of my friends only for the duration of 7 months,
it seemed much too short.
Five years, maybe even as much as seven,
seemed much more accurate.

But the end was inevitable.
Our airplane tickets were booked,
our house already rented out,
and our new home already found.

We never spoke a word of my departure,
because it made the end feel more real,
now there is a thousand miles between the people I care about and me.

I miss them gravely already,
not a week after my leaving,
and I already miss their hugs,
their excitement of calling my name,
as they spotted me across the hall.

When I began to realise that my sister,
who had been by my side my whole life,
wasn't coming with us,
tears ran down my face,
before I could stop them.

My parents and I walked on,
towards the gate,
where our enterage wasn't allowed to come.
I couldn't loosen my fingers on the book,
that I had just gotten from my sister,
with photos and comments.

I guess I haven't realised yet,
that my friends aren't here with me.
That I won't see them everyday at school,
and do fun stuff with them in the weekend.
I can only hope that I'll keep contact...

Submitted: Sunday, July 18, 2010
Edited: Friday, September 24, 2010

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