Living In Trivialities Poem by merna ibrahim

this time you defeated the rhyme...that's great.. a message that fits for an oscar film :) thanks for sharing

this is a good piece of work.. Thank you for sharing!

vI wish they would look at things through a wider lens And begin to make some - really virtuous friends....we have brain that hunt us in many ways and compel us to think on unncessary things. we must stop thinking for the things which are unattainable inlife... nice piece of writing dear.....10.. read mine able and strong survive

inner essence...well side...good concept...nicely presented...10

yea people do! grweat piece of work

NICE POEM & meaninful one u've done a wonderful thing, this poem is written & created from ur heart & soul & it's carved really in every body's heart.well done

Great poem shared here, very nice theme, well conveyed message about our socio-political nature...10+++

Dear Merna, your wisdom is awesome... smartly you carry strong messages. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Nowadays people trust appearance and search for the frame which is a trap to the majority. May they open the Heart EYES. ~~My Favorite~~ They all pay attention only to the frame Ignore the inner essence which should be their aim. You deserve 10+++

The depth of your poem seems to be all riding on the storyline of the poem. It's all surface. The political statement could be in the news paper. It is didactic to the point of being overly telling and showing much of anything. So the reader is left with no epiphany at all. Other than people with money ride on the surface just like the intent in your poem. Depth in poetry is obtained through metaphors and concrete images. You have some concrete images but not very many. Metaphors are the same. It would be wonderful if you would have said that the people were plastic. And then drawn conclusions about plastic people. I would have found that far more interesting to read. Poems have 3 major characteristics Music, metaphor, and form. Your form is good, Your metaphor is weak. The music isn't to bad, but most of it is carried by the rhymes and not so much by the rhythm of the cadences within the lines. But beyond characteristics all poems have three parts. opening which is an into and central idea of the poem's premise. then the turning point, Which is a major shift within the poem of some kind this creates tension within the poem This is where the comparison happens or antithesis is created. Lastly there is the closure which should connect, combine, or conjoin the opening and the turning point of the poem into a new concept. or possibility to create an epiphany for the reader. What's an epiphany? It is a conclusion that is drawn by the reader. So the poem can't be telling it to the reader. And this is why it is said that poetry shows and doesn't tell. I like the idea of couplets in you poem. But it wasn't too emotional for me at all. I think that is because of the lack of concrete images. What's a concrete image: A concrete image is a real object or action verb or the combination of the two to create something tangible instead of an abstract thought. When an abstract thought is used in a poem it needs the tangible to be attached to make it felt by the reader. Well I hope this helps you some. A poet friend// RH Peat

Excellent! The message is sharp and crisp. You heave really done a wonderful write. I summarize: They don't know: what they want..imitate..care about appearance and cash, important stuff treat as trash, ignore inner essence Instead make some - really virtuous friends....stop all this hypocrisy, phony praise..wake up to eternal life. RIGHT! I give you 10++ Thanks for inviting.God bless you.