Local Hero Poem by John Wathen

I am a local hero,
my exploits are world wide.
When our team won the F.A. Cup,
I was the captain of the side.
When we climbed Everest,
first to the top was me.
I'd have got there even quicker,
if I had'nt stopped for tea.
I hold the new World record,
for the Transatlantic race,
and never mind what the Russians say!
I was first in space.
Compaired to me old Einstein,
was nothing but a dunce,
and as for flying to the Moon.
I've done that more than once.
I swam the English Channel,
seventeen times one day,
and when we won the Ashes.
Guess who saved the day?
Oh yes I really am a hero,
you can't call me fake,
but I always end up ordinary,
the moment I awake.