Loves Last Light Poem by Cbones Ogaraf

I see it all so lucid now
This movie is quite clear
My love for you speaks volumes
yet you plainly cannot hear

You burst into my presence
thinking I have time to spare
to listen to your grievances
your problems and your fears

It's not that I don't love you,
It's not that I don't care,
I just can't hear more questions,
on the color of your hair

Or 'is my writing funny?
Or 'do you love me still? '
I tell you 'yes' to all of this
and pray my actions show

I cook for you, I doctor you
and hope this sickness goes
And someday soon that you will see
just what my heart bestows

It's not that I don't love you
It's not that I don't care
Your question if I 'think you're fat'
is causing me to glare

Your constant needs engulf me
and are driving me insane
approval, love and loneliness
and constant fear and blame

'Do you think that I am pretty? '
you will ask me every day
I have answered it repeatedly
yet it never goes away

You never let the past alone,
- it sleeps not very long
I'd like to think you love me
yet no sex means I'm dead wrong

I'd like to think we're active
But the truth is coming out
The only thing you like to do
is T.V. on the couch

A couch potato and T.V.
this world is your escape
re-a-l-ity is THE reward
come on let's get in shape

You blame me for your eating
our food cannot grow old
Fat or thin, the scales don't care
the load your diaper holds

You say that I'm not here for you
and claim I make you feast
I tell myself that isn't true
- you're just a hungry beast

Most visits to the doctors
and the dentists through the years,
were caused by yo-yo diets
and your crazy, crazy fears.

How am I supposed to feel
when you always bring me down?
All I want is happiness
but all you do is frown

You never seem to notice
when I'm busy or I'm sad
and instead of looks of kindness
all I get are looks of mad

My arm is bad, it needs to heal
my self esteem is low
I am doing all I can
to get caught up with it now

Trying to help, I mentioned plans
to help you reach your dreams,
when I try to tell them to you,
you begin to scream

Your constant interruptions
break my conversation's flow
I know I need to do my work
and plan to make it so

I shouldn't really blame you
because I've earned no pay for years
and all of your respect for me
has vanished with the tears.

I feel that all your love for me
has stopped or gone away
I guess your love is really gone
we have a fight a day

It's not that I don't love you
It's not that I don't care
all of these things weigh down on me
it's more than I can bear

One day I hope you're happy
one day I hope you'll find
the gift that fills your emptiness
with peace and love and light.