Manifesto Poem by Paul Hansford

We’re the Opposition Party, not Socialist, not Tory,
not Green, not Liberal Democrat, that’s quite another story.
They all come out with policies as fast as they can blink.
We just say No to everything, so we don’t have to think.

They want to build a by-pass ’cause the traffic’s getting thicker,
and congestion brings pollution that makes everybody sicker.
But extra roads mean extra cars, I’m sure it must be true.
So we’ll go on protesting, no matter what they do.

They’re building more McDonalds, only we don’t think they should.
Their Meals make us Unhappy – they don’t do you any good,
and burgers cause obesity and that Mad Cow Disease.
So let’s boycott McDonalds. That should bring them to their knees.

We need more electricity, but how should it be made?
It mustn’t be atomic! No, we’re all far too afraid.
And fossil fuels make acid rain and lots of CO2.
But we’ll still oppose the wind-farm, no matter what they do.

They want to put CCTV in the High Street in our town.
Broken windows and graffiti get ’most everybody down.
But while they’re filming vandals they’ll be filming you and me.
So we’ll oppose the cameras; they infringe our liberty.

You’re walking in the evening – up comes a panda car.
The coppers stop and look at you and ask you who you are.
If you haven’t got your documents it makes their job quite hard.
So at least we’ll get the criminals to oppose the ID card.

I bought my kids a mobile phone, the very latest kind,
I warned them of the health risk, but they said they didn’t mind.
Still, we blocked the new transmitter. The ambulance can’t get through,
but masts cause radiation. I’m sure it must be true.

They want to dose with fluoride the water in my tap.
The nation’s teeth are falling out from eating piles of … junk-food.
But fluoride is poison and pollutes you through and through.
I read it – on the Internet! I’m sure it must be true.

They say that smoking’s bad for you, and try to put us off,
but I know it’s nothing serious. It’s just a little cough.
A hundred thousand deaths a year? I’m sure that can’t be true.
So I’ll just go on smoking, no matter what they do.

We don’t like politicians – they're all somebody's cronies.
We think the House of Commons is a talking shop for phoneys.
They think they’ve got the answer, try to stuff it down your throat.
The difference is we know we’re right. That’s why we never vote.

We’re the Opposition Party, not UKIP, not BNP.
We’re opposed to everything. It’s simple as can be.
So let’s take all their policies and flush them down the sink.
We just say No to everything, and we don’t need to think.