Me. Poem by River Jordan

She was a small girl says the size
Of her clothes in a small pile on the floor;
A quite short girl says the marking
On the wall reading '4'11',
Downstairs in her bedroom;
And a very sad, isolated girl, say her
Favorite hoodie and pillows smelling like salty tears.

A dog would sleep with her, says the dog toys
Scattered about her room;
The dogs name was Khatana says the collar
With the dog's name imprinted on a bone.

She is like a daughter to her say the memories
Of her being protective and scared for her,
She cuts say the scars buried deep
With in her wrist and the newer
Ones on her upper part of her thigh.

She thinks of her teachers as parents says the
Times when she slipped and said ‘mom' or ‘dad' towards them.
She cant talk to her mom about her problems
Say the letters of pretending to talk to her.

She became trans says the flag hung upon his wall.
His new name is River says the text between him and his significant other.

He fakes a smile all day although;
It dies when he goes back into the shadows say
The sudden mood flip when arrives home from school.
His mom and his mom's boyfriend fight a lot says the music playlist titled 'songs when parents are fighting'.

He wishes he could make the pain disappear;
Make the never ending nightmares come to halt say
The cuts buried deep and scars of old times with new still a bled.
He wishes he wasn't here anymore say the drawings of hangings and bullets.

He also wants to apologize for not being what everyone wanted him to be says the note he has written lying beneath his floated feet.

He said its not them its him; Its his fault for letting it get to him, its his fault for letting go, its his fault for not trying. He wanted to apologize for hurting everyone and being in their lives says the note beneath his floated feet.

The note says 'I am sorry mother and father and mother's boyfriend. Sorry I am not who you needed or wanted me to be. I did try my hardest to fight for my life but the demons have taken over. It hurts to know I have let all of you guys down. And I am sorry friends of mine, for not being there when you called, for not smiling in front of you so you don't worry, for spilling everything on to you. And especially my siblings; That I wasnt the older brother you needed, the older brother to protect and save you from harm. I am sorry.'