Melanie Poem by Andrus Cassian

She killed me…she killed me…
I’m drifting into darkness
Melanie…Melanie…Melanie…
Did she ever really know how sorry I am
how I meant every word of my bleeding apology
what I meant when I said things were never to go this way…
Will she ever know…will she ever know…
Melanie…I’m ever so sorry…could she really ever forgive me
Wearing out another welcome along with the frayed fragments of my mind
spiraling, spiraling from the wound which will never really heal
Resembling a jagged tear instead of a small scar from a little cut
A permanent memory, it brings the same pain when thought fills the emptiness of time
She burned herself back into relevant memories she was banished from long ago
I’ve felt the tears start to swell again, the dam’s about to burst
The gun I’m under is only plastic
But one more devastating error to me and I become shattered glass
I’ve made my attempts before to overcome this
I’ve lost all the battles, lost the war and everything with it
Nothing I have planned has stopped my heart from feeling this
My words are without sense, my notions high
I guess it was saying goodbye which turned into the thorn becoming the illness
Following the path to the vein connecting to my heartbeat
Melanie…why commit this deed against me
Melanie…I’m sorry
I never attempted to raise my head high enough for you to look into my eyes
The penalty was too great for me to handle
Melanie…am I the reason, Melanie…please tell me
Melanie…am I the reason for carving your fears on your arms
My name regretfully included, I honestly shouldn’t have permitted it
I should’ve never put you on a pedestal so high
Maybe it’s the elevation dooming me from the start
When I fell overboard the weightless structure we called our home
Melanie…I’ve made myself into a wreck
I’ve continuously tripped over my own heels to catch up
Broke my neck to be everything you needed
But my reward was a hollow goodbye
Melanie…please here me…Melanie…listen to me
I regret everything, I regret the words I never said and things I never did
Melanie…whatever…WHATEVER! ! ! ! ....whatever
You’re far too out of reach
The memories can’t fade away; I just want to waste away
But Melanie…my revelation for the day; She killed me…
Stabbed me repeatedly, unconsciously, mistakenly
But stubbornly I stood still; unaware, bloody, and weary
Till I couldn't be much of anything but a distant thought
A mosaic mess of a beautiful shade of red bruised black and blue
And the beauty left my eyes as I was falling, falling into an abyss of lost consciousness
As I was falling, the images were calling; yelling at me, telling me it just couldn't end here
The memories just can’t be burned like photographs in a fireplace…
Melanie! ...Melanie! ...dear sweet Melanie…
She killed me…Melanie! ...Melanie…
Did she ever really know how sorry I was, how I meant every word to my bleeding apology…
Will she ever know…I can feel my voice slipping
Is she right in front of me or has she already disappeared…
Melanie…Melanie…Melanie! ! ! ! !
Melanie…Melanie…dear sweet Melanie….Melanie….