Men Ure Fae Fife, Wimmin Ure Fae Azerbaijan. Poem by Scott Forster

Ah dinnae ken whae ah love
Ma heid is aw shoogled aboot
pauckled e clarity
an doesnae ken whit hert it wid suit.

Bonny wimmin,
yer a confusing lot
a tricky case,
fer sic a romantic scot!

Much like yon glaikit fundamentalist
ah fash masel wi worry owre
the affectations e a girl.
ach, Ah'm bein' canny,
ah'm unco saft in wiey
tae thrash ma wiey thro talking tae thum and hae it turn sour.

Ilka man wisnae made fer the airt e flirtation or so it seems,
wur like a whale picking up the sonar, aw confuzzled.
ye either dinnae ken she's goat a thing fer ye, else yer carried awa in fantastic dreams.

Dae ye see yon coof owre there, haiverin
He's no goat a chance
his confident is waverin'.

A Guid man like me struggles against tha likes e thaim.
Nae saucy spraff fae me, jist spontaneous surrealism and sincerity
ah jist hope ma honesty shines through otherwise ah'm aff hame.
...Dinnae git me started oan, 'playing hard tae git'
Ah'm no up fer that game.