Modern Phrenology Poem by Herbert Nehrlich

It measured just below an inch
the member of the bird called finch.
A hippopotamus can bridge
the width of any average fridge.
A one day fly barely can glimpse
the same holds true of Northern shrimps.
Thus every species boasts or hides
their stencils, they are used as guides
to shuttle swimming things into
a reservoir like an igloo.
It's only man who worries that
his member may be thin, not fat
and that its length, by rule of thumb,
is calculated by the sum
of nose divided by a lock
of pubic hair (may be a shock) ,
thus most will have no grounds to brag
if someone does apply the tag
of miniature, suspended toy,
this would not bother a small boy
but for an otherwise adjusted
the secret could be quickly busted
in open view of a latrine!
Such laughter usually is mean
In any case, one can get aid
for a few dollars, slyly paid,
an apparatus can be bought
that took much skill and lustful thought
to build, it's made of stainless steel
and does attach to either heel.
A series of small pulleys guide
a cable, running down the side.
A counterweight attaches to
the little fellow (which you knew)
a hook is sunk into the neck
anteriorly, well, what the heck,
it works by loading to the hilt
the fellow nearly prone to wilt.
And when it pulls the pin gets longer
and (it is hoped) a trifle stronger.
Repeated punctually, of course
there will be talk about a horse.
In ninety days it grows an inch
and later, it may need a winch.