Treasure Island

Russell Nero

(May 25th,1995)

Monologue of Misery


Hello world
Hello universe
Today I apologize
today I apologize to you
today I apologize
for giving you my worst
for performing below my best
for making empty promises I can't keep
and for banishing people from my life
out of anger, out of spite
So please listen to what I have to say
It's true
I've said so many times I've been grey
and I know my reason
so this day
I will spill the content inside my head
I'm grey and I know why
I spoke ill of Sarah
I know I promised angrily I was over her
I know I promised angrily I was over it
I know I promised angrily I would never speak of her again
but that's just it
I said it angrily
In my heart I meant every word of it
March 12th
in my heart everything I said
was truth...well to an extent
but that was from a deeper dark side of me
just tired of dealing with this
Was I man that day
No
I was just bitter
I'm bitter and that's just not me
I don't know who I am
but that's just not me
So here I am trying to fix my mistake
So here I am thrice
trying to fix my mistake
My letter to her went unheard
my letter to her wasn't a message
to say I'm over
it was a message to say 'I love you'
I said it more than I did when I was with her
to make up for all the times I wasn't there
to hold her between my frail, warm arms
And my attempt to say goodbye
was for myself to leave without a hint of pain
with every hint of malice and pleasure
to finally feel the joy of having her
disappear from me...
and for a few days I was invincible
I was...something else
but what they say is true
A woman can cry over you for so long
but she lets go so easily, leaving you as nobody
while us, guys
we feel free, vindicated
until a few weeks go by
and here we are
constructing our monologue of misery
And my monologue is four years long
four years strong
but I end it tonight
because tonight I end it right
Sarah the Sorceress
Sarah my Sorceress
Sarah heartless Sorceress
Sarah forever Sorceress
Selena...I'm sorry
I'm sorry for how I lashed out
I lashed out in anger
I was silently frustrated with myself
We weren't built to last
I always knew
I admit I always knew
We're just two different people
You're a Leo, I'm a Gemini
We're just two different people
I could tell you weren't in love with me
even though I heard the word escape your lips
as I whispered them back every night
but I made myself believe
somehow you were the one for me
You moved away from me
well I moved away from you
as a gift for your birthday
and there I refused to let go
sinking my tiger claws within your skin
just telling you I'm still hanging in
just to say you were something worth fighting for
but I was just sitting here in make believe
trying to fight reality
while trying to keep you close to me
I failed...I failed in my quest
and I tried to move on
but my heart stayed with you in protest
trying to comfort you in your time of need
trying to hold on to a part of me
For four years I have tried to find a way back to you
for I couldn't accept losing you
for I couldn't accept you were stolen from me...
by space, by time, by a harsh outline
of a life I cannot define
I could just sum it up
as life loves to kill me
My reward for chasing after you all these years
is a reputation for the guy who will never let go
a reputation for the guy who chases the impossible
is a broken heart and a troubled mind
I guess I'm crazy
I could blame you
but it was all me
since the day I permitted you
to carve my name into your arm
I guess I thought that would prove to me I'm yours
but I shuddered at the thought
that you would be taken away from me
Well I'm here now to say
I have no love letter to send
I have no malice to unleash
I just have a broken heart wishing to be repaired
You wished for us to be friends
but I wish for us to go our separate ways
I've stuck to you like glue
for years
Any further contact with you
I may go insane
Any further contact with you
I just won't be me anymore
So here today
I let you go
Here today
take back my harsh words
take back my faulty words of my love
take back my heart I once left on your desk
Here today
I officially say goodbye
My skies are bleak
and I am the color of a cloud when it rains
for to this day I miss you
yet...I got to let you go
So Sarah the Sorceress
So Sarah my Sorceress
So Sarah heartless Sorceress
So Forever Sarah the Sorceress
Selena...I say today
Goodbye
Please don't tell me your wedding date
I just pray you have a good day
I just pray you are happy always...

Submitted: Tuesday, October 08, 2013
Edited: Wednesday, October 09, 2013

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Poet's Notes about The Poem

Inspired by Artist vs Poet; my last and final attempt to let go of the Sorceress who kept my heart but never returned it

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