My Cat's A Clumsy Klutz Poem by gershon hepner

Because my cat’s a clumsy klutz
he cannot do a triple Lutz.
The only skill of Figaro
is trying to refigure “O-
klahoma” when he says “Meeow! ”
instead of lyrical “Yeeow! ”
and with this fancy feline whine
tells me that he is doin’ fine,
always hottest of pertayters
competing with all kitchen skaters.
California, here he comes,
seems to be the tune he hums.

Never is too late or early,
siree, for him to sing, not surly.
That’s why I love him, F-I-G,
A-R-O. Great klutz he may be,
who won’t catch hawks but can catch flies,
he scrapes floors skating with surprise,
polydactyled, without gaiters
most talented of all termayters
in C-A-L-I-F-O-R
N-I-A. Who could ask for more?
No chorus cat can be much cornier,
at least in California.

Inspired by my polydactylous clumsy cat, Figaro, whom Linda and I adopted about two months ago, after the death of Cato. Figaro will not be competing in the ice skating events at the Winter Olympic Games in California, where triple Lutzes have become routine, except for klutzes. I cite below the lyrics of “Oklahoma” and “California, here we come! ” For the record, Linda and I like our pertayters and termatyers with everything.

Oklahoma
They couldn't pick a better time to start in life
It ain't too early and it ain't too late
Starting as a farmer with a brand new wife
Soon be living in a brand new state
Brand new state, gonna treat you great!

Gonna give you barley, carrots and pertaters
Pasture fer the cattle, spinach and termayters
Flowers on the prarie where the June bugs zoom
Plen'y of air and plen'y of room
Plen'y of room to swing a rope
Plen'y of heart and plen'y of hope

Oklahoma!
Where the wind comes sweeping down the plain
Where the waving wheat
Can sure smell sweet
When the wind comes right behind the rain

Oklahoma!
Every night my honey-lamb and I
Sit alone and talk
And watch a hawk
Making lazy circles in the sky

We know we belong to the land
And the land we belong to is grand
And when we say Yeeow!
Ayipioeeay! Yeeow!
We're only saying 'You're doin' fine Oklahoma'
Oklahoma O-K

O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A
Oklahoma!

We've been on the run
Driving in the sun
Looking out for #1
California here we come
Right back where we started from
Hustlers grab your guns
Your shadow weighs a ton
Driving down the 101
California here we come
Right back where we started from
California!
Here we come!
On the stereo
Listen as we go
Nothing's gonna stop me now
California here we come
Right back where we started from
Pedal to the floor
Thinkin' of the roar
Gotta get us to the show
California here we come
Right back where we started from
California!
Here we come!


© 2010 Gershon Hepner 2/9/10