My Missing Muse Poem by David McLansky

The Sergeant at the high desk grunted
Looked down at her as if she was stunted,
“You say your Muse's been gone how long?
Your lady, you know, with the songs!
MMs must be gone three days,
Oh, it's been a week, so you say;
And you haven't been able to write a word,
And from her not even a peeps been heard;
Does your missing Muse take any drugs?
(He gave his clerk a wink and nudge ;)
It seems your Muse has been picked up before,
Unlawful loitering at a Whole Foods store;
Look Miss, we get MMs listed every day,
Yesterday, Edna St.Vincent Millay,
Screaming how it felt to touch the sky
But no matter how hard she’d try
But she couldn’t work out that very next line,
We found her Muse on Hollywood & Vine
Dragging a jug of Gallo Wine
Begging for quarters and nickels and dimes;
The other day, Robert Frost
Came in here reporting lost
What he called his “Snow Storm Muse, ”
Rambling on, quite confused;
I think he over did it on the booze;
I said, 'FILL OUT A FORM, ' but he refused,
And then we had this Herrick guy
(For one so old he looked pretty spry)
Rambling on about rosebuds and surgeons
And what other word rhymed with virgins; ,
He pleaded with us to help him find his Muse,
But we jailed HIM for promoting child abuse;
And then there was that famous psycho queer,
AKA, Billy Shakespeare;
Ranting on in all that Old English crap,
We had to stun-gun him, just a little zap;
So don’t get hysterical my poetry gal,
Or you’ll end up in jail with your poetry pals,
So fill out this form and we’ll file a report,
You check the hospitals, we’ll check the courts;
Maybe she's has been already picked up;
Right now,
You’re just out of luck.
Try magazine writing, they make a good buck.”