My Underpants Poem by Phil Soar

My underpants are in a mess
I am no Calvin klein
It looks like I've an octopus
inside those pants of mine
among those veins that hang in there
there's something very small
I keep it all a secret
and use it, not at all
I know no-one will notice
I worry about it though
It's like there is an alien there
or I've grown another toe
I need to buy another pair
with just a bit more room
where everything can hide inside
among the dark and gloom
at least it will not grow some
as it does not get fed
maybe I should take those underpants
and wear them on my head