My Woody For Him Poem by Professor Poetry Hound

I was at the lumberyard last Tuesday and I bought a
piece of cedar board that has this kind of Jesus-like

image in the grain. I think with a little creative use of
wood stain and varnish I can make it look even more

like Jesus. Now, here’s my plan. I’ll start telling
people that it’s like a miracle visitation kind of deal

and I’ll act all amazed and glowing and everything.
I’m sure some suckers will want to come see it and

they’ll bring flowers and offerings and stuff. Interest
will increase even more if I can get the local TV news

to cover it. See, I figure I can charge folks five bucks
each to see that dopey board. Do you think that’s

charging too much? I know, I know, you’re going to
lecture me that it’s wrong to do this. But look at it

this way. If people come and see my little phony
wood grain Jesus, they may have a real religious

experience. They’ll probably dropp to their knees and
writhe around on the ground and do all sorts of wacky

things, and it will deepen their faith. That’s a good
thing, wouldn’t you agree? And five bucks is a small

price to pay for a religious experience that makes you
feel closer to God. Maybe I should charge ten bucks.
Twenty if they want to touch it.