Night Call Poem by Terence George Craddock (Spectral Images and Images Of Light)

It seems that Mr. RH Peat has commented this poem quite profoundly. What can I, that English is not my native language, say? This: the charm of this poem resides in it´s lack of structurated form. And, simply, it is incredibly beatiful. Laura

Crit4 Night Call In cosmic celestial stillness infusing frozen moments stretching into eternities unknown. -=-=- (cosmic celestial) is redundant. as well as (eternities) below. The use of the words has the same meaning as outer space. They are flower words that add nothing to the deph of meaning. (ing) words are boring. Use the active verb. (infuses frozen moments, /stretches/. into the unknown. After you introduce the reader to space become specific rather than say space continually in different ways. (realms, heavens, galaxies, star systems. There are endless ways of doing this. Overstatement can be a dangerous practice if you don't understand it's usage. Is felt faint pulse of pristine primeval galaxies. Gaze into galvanic compelling emptiness of stirring dark starry sky. -=-=- The subject is missing on the sentence. What is felt? Putting 2 or 3 adjectives on every noun will bury your real intent so deep no will truly understand it at all. Gerunds (ing-words) are adjectives. Use the active verb and direct language. Don’t be flowery with your speech. Emptiness is not compelling. People are compelled to look at emptiness. Put your reader into the driver’s seat. Don’t make them an observer. You want them to have an epiphany so that they will reread the poem time and again. redundancies like (dark starry sky) don’t help the contextual flow of meaning or music in a poem. (starry sky) infers darkness. It doesn’t need to be said at all. Untouched by industrial pollutants muddying cobalt skyline. Where poisonous slime sucks forth fevered souls. Darkness coal black plasmatic poetry neutral celestial migratory friend. Despoil egotistic evil spanning choked horizons lit eliminating illuminating star light. -=-=- This stanza offers a shift in the poem as a turning form outer space to polluted earth, yet you have 3 more stanzas in the poem. The turning point in the poem is coming far to early. The shift isn’t really meaningful at all as far as I can see. It seems to be a tangent for the most part. It looks like it could be completely cut. Entwined two lovers seduces souls. -=-=- How does love ever seduce? Real love is not deceitful. So lovers are loving each other not seducing one another. If in fact the seduction is taking place it is not love at all. Lover’s willfully and joyfully take part in one another for the benefit of sharing pleasure with one another. Poetic elixir. Carry us. Enchanted High Renaissance rapture born sky sculpture. -=-=- I’m not sure this carries a thought at all or even makes a concrete image of any kind. I have no idea what it means, I could only presume to guess what it might mean to anyone. It sounds and looks like a buck-shot pattern that missed the bird completely. I don’t see the point at all. Inspired life force infused pure marble. No longer alone aborted can we cry tears to momentous mountains. -=-=- redundant/ mountains are momentous. (cry to mountains) is a far stronger image and it very concrete and it does not need any adjective to make its meaning more understandable at all. In fact it distracts from the depth of meaning, which for me was some real meat in the poem. Upon pristine summit during stillness distilled vibrant pulsating night. -=-=- the over exaggeration in the oxymoron metaphor doesn’t really work here. I see the words (pristine, stillness & distilled) all working against the redundancy of (vibrant pulsating) . Can stillness be any more distilled or pristine? And choose which you want (vibrant pulsating) . In esoteric stillness of frozen moments stretching into eternities unknown. -=-=- This wasn’t so good the first time so the second time around it is even worse. As a reader for myself, I want to feel I can understand the abstracts somewhere along the line. That there is a constant presented in the poem. And I am not getting it at all. Is felt rhythmic pulse of primeval galaxies. Gaze compelling emptiness of beautified starry sky. -=-=- Well if there was an epiphany meant for the reader in this poem, I missed it completely. It felt more like a maze of bent-mirrors with unfamiliar faces to me. But I’m a very critical reader and not easily teased into seeing feelings when it really isn’t there to discern from the concrete images. It is the concrete images that generally carry the abstracts into fruition. Just gluing words together doesn’t make poetry for me, this reader wants to be changed by the poem. And to be honest with you I have written some very abstract poems. But I do try to keep them corralled in some way. Which I don’t see here at all. Even Lewis Carols “ “jabberwocky” which is extremely abstract still makes sense in its on cosmology. Maybe you should try to focus on a specific in relation to what you are attempting to present in the poem. a poet friend RH Peat