Chaotic Life aka Curly Mer

No Emotions;

It's been about 4 years,
since I haven't seen my best friend.
I can honestly say,
that I missed her alot
But then the day came,
when I saw her at the train station...

I was walking by going to catch my bus,
until someone yelled 'Curly! '
and I turned, and there she was, my best friend.
She jumped on me, hugged me tight and I did the same.
Then when she finally let go, she looked at me shocked
and told me she was about to cry, while wiping some tears.
I told her I was going to cry too....pretends.
Then she hugged me again, and I hugged back,
everyone looking at us like we're some crazy morons.

She let go again and then I saw the tears,
she wiped them and told me how much she missed me,
reminded me of all the memories we once shared.
As she talked, I stared, with no reaction, no feeling.
I was lost. She had changed alot, her attitude, her voice,
and my mind twirled.

I nodded at everything she said, acting really exciting and happy.
Then she introduced me to her bf, my 'future bro in law'
He said hi and smiled and I said hi back.
I turned back to her, and she shared some more memories.
I smile, laughed and tried soo hard to collect my feelings,
tried hard to cry and show how much I missed her.
But nothing happened, and I had to go.
We had a finally hug, and I walked out,
rushing to catch the bus.

As I sat at the back of the bus,
I reflected on everything that just happened through the whole bus ride.
It was so uncalled for.
We never knew we were going to meet again until next year, just the way we planned it.
But it came to soon....which is a good thing.
I finally got to actually see her in person from years back,
and I admit, I was too confused.

Why didn't I cry? Why didn't I feel any emotions? Was I suppose to feel emotions?
I knew the answer, I knew all the answers.
But then I thought some more...
Did I really miss her? Was she really my best friend?
And on and on I went, thinking nonstop.

I wanted to go back in time, back to where I first glanced at her running toward me, yelling out my name.
I wanted to cry, show her how happy I was to see her.
Then I would share some memories and ACTUALLY talk to her
instead of just nodding, smiling and pretending like I was ready to cry out
at everything she said.
But it was too late...
I was almost at my bus stop and she was probably on a train with her boyfriend, telling him about how happy she was to see me.

Then I realized,
Time had passed, and time changed us all.
It changed our friends, our emotions and ability to express a feeling...
I realized,
that something was wrong.
I wanted years for this to happen, to see her again.
and now that it has happened... nothing happened.
Everything went awry.

& I finally concluded...
maybe I moved on; maybe I didn't really miss her as much as she did; maybe she isn't really my best friend...

Submitted: Friday, June 12, 2009

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