On Inviting Lord Byron Over For Nibbles At 8pm Poem by Sheena Blackhall

As you sent ahead no dietary preferences
Our canapes have been carefully crafted to make
Provision for allergies, vitamin components
And to limit your high cholesterol, leanest of steak

We note your sister isn’t among your party
We’re liberal here (in breeding in Scotland’s rife)
But some of us draw the line at familial incest
It’s up to you of course, how you live your life

We’ll forego the trip to visit the flock at pasture
We don’t believe the lies that the tabloids tell
But bestiality’s not to be encouraged
The Bible says, for that you go straight to hell

We’ve provided disabled parking for your stallion
At the Paralympic games, you’d shine, we bet
But here please don’t get up to your old mularky
The women will blab it all on the internet

May I say your taste in fashion’s quite flamboyant
You’d fit in nicely now, as flexi-gender
And it certainly widens your range of potential partners
We’ve sent Miss Lamb’s envelope back ‘Return to Sender.’

A touch of madness, just the hint of scandal
It certainly helps drive sales up in the shop
But you well know that public favour’s fickle
And Thursday’s plat de jour is Friday’s slop