Only Wish To Be Fulfilled Poem by Hopeless Heart

Though the room is crowded
I feel as if I’m completely alone
Frozen to the spot
Eyes never moving
I sit in a trace
Not one person notices

Am I that invisible?
That I can sit in class and cry
While people sit around me doing work
No one ever noticing tears falling
Am I that unimportant?

Sometimes I want people to notice
But other times I don’t
I want the right people to notice
The right people to care
But all I get is the undesirable

Why can’t they see?
When I look at people, I see
I see the hurt in their eyes
Or the joy of their day
Why can’t someone see that in me?

I can notice the small things in people
The things that make them, them
Why can’t someone do that for me?
I notice the tears wanting to fall
I notice the fake smiles
I notice the sadness in their eyes

Sometimes I notice the things so much
Too much, that I myself can nearly feel it
Sometimes I wish I had no emotions
I wish I could feel nothing
Nothing what so ever
Not even the cold wind on my face
Or the warm sun on my back
Feeling nothing would be a blessing

To close my eyes and never wake
That would be a blessing
Never having to worry about anything
Never having to regret
Never having to be confused
Never having to be ashamed
Never having to feel again
That would be a blessing

To sleep forever dreamlessly is my wish
The one wish I can be sure will one day be fulfilled

15th August 2007